Road Trippin'

I just finished up 10 days of driving and living within the confines of my minivan with my 4 boys + husband. Big, scruffy, hungry boys. Boys who I’m sure are messier and dirtier and stinkier than I raised them to be. What ever happened? Clothes and underwear and toothpaste and headphones and books and games and hats and wrappers and cups and Kleenexes everywhere. Everywhere. Our van smells like Subway meets Chipotle + 8 stinky feet. We shared the seats in the van for 50 hours, shared one hotel room for too many days, shared the ransacked food in the cooler jammed between the back seats. 

But worst of all, we shared the same toilet. If ever I was to wonder where my parenting went bad, I need only to look at the shared toilet. Were they raised in a barn? Hit the water, not the seat my boys! In fact, just because you CAN stand up to pee doesn't mean you SHOULD. Have a seat. On the throne. It's better for all of us. 

And best of all, we shared the same moments. These moments created memories that span the miles of 7 states and 1 province, and back again. These moments created a lot of laughter, a little frustration, and sporadic times of quiet. As I write this we are making our way across Michigan, heading home, and my boys are discussing the pros and cons of various movies present and past, and of course, talking about all the restaurants we DIDN’T eat at (cue second mortgage here). 

I learned some things about my boys...

One of them actually does NOT like his name. (What???? Bite tongue and swallow hard and...apologize? Nope. Smile knowing deep down that it really isn't that bad).

One of them would eat at Pizza Ranch every day if he could, although on any other given day he doesn't like cheese. (Pizza Ranch, we learned, is a pizza buffet. Great for most teenaged boys. Tuck that piece of advice away).

One of them stills loves to play Pokemon on his DS. (Hours of silent entertainment in the back).

One of them said out of the blue, "I think it would have been awkward to have 3 boys and 1 girl", sparking a quick reply of another: "I think she would have been a “homie”. She would have been just like us." ("Awkward"?? That's an interesting word choice...")

But there is something about family, something about being together even after being apart. There is something about growing up together that binds us together, that anchors us, that secures us and protects us. It provides room for the tension of love and laughter alongside frustration and disappointment. It creates space for honesty and compassion. It allows for uniqueness and creativity, for truth and character, for freedom and grace. Most of all, it paves the way so there is always a way back.

And that something is actually someone: Jesus.  Keep Jesus in your family. 

Even when it's a hard conversation - have it. 

Even if it's an awkward conversation - have it. 

Family is worth it. Your family is worth it. Your boys are worth it.

Our 10 day road trip was probably the last of it's kind for our family. Which is why we did it. Because we love our boys and value our time together and know that the sacrifices of time and energy (and money...) are worth it even if the toilet is disgusting and I can't possibly eat one more slice of pizza.

All in all, we did alright. 

Especially for being a family that hasn't even been in the same country let alone the same minivan for most of the past year. This is how I know God is real. Lord have mercy, we all survived.

But we not only survived. I believe we all came out a little stronger.

Yup - that's a little Poker game going' on.

Happy Mother's Day to Me

It's Mother's Day, after church, in the kitchen, and I'm making lunch.

My 15 year old son emerges from the basement after playing a round of Fortnight with his buddies. He looks at me across the kitchen and smiles. He walks towards me, bends low and puts his long arms around me, embracing me in a long bear hug.

Knowing that he has not yet wished me "Happy Mother's Day", that I had to pull him out of bed this morning and that he was the reason we were late for church (again!), I think, "This is it!"; he has just clued in that it is Mother's Day and he is going to love on me for being his Mom! His embrace lasts long enough that I get lost in an ocean of thoughts...

...remembering so desperately thinking he was a girl before he was born (to the point that I too emphatically yelled, "What??" when the doctor told me he was a boy...true story), to being so thankful for the man he is becoming,...

...remembering holding him tightly as a baby in my arms to feeling how tightly he is holding me now in his,

...seeing the similarities flash too quickly through my mind of the baby he was to the boy he is and the man he is becoming - in his features, in his mannerisms, in his laughter, and in his passion.

And just as tears begin to prick the sides of my closed eyelids, and my heart is feeling full, as I soak in this growing boy with all I have, he breathes in deeply, lets out a breath of relaxation and contentment, and his stature falls deeper and harder and heavier onto mine, and he says to me...

"What's for lunch?"

I sigh, pull back, look him straight in the face. I search his eyes to find out what he is thinking, for a clue of something...anything...and I see nothing but pure 15 year old boy trust and love and freedom.

"Grilled cheese. Would you like me to make you a grilled cheese for lunch?"

"Sure, Mom, if that fits the ticket."

It sure does, my boy. It sure does.

And I silently wish myself a Happy Mother's Day because I am truly happy to be a mother, on this day and all the others.

Transition of Obedience: Pressing On

   “Hey Hon, take a look at this email,” my husband said as he turned his laptop to me.  “Do you think I should check it out?”  As I skimmed the contents of the email, I read about a church in a town just north of our city that was looking for a new Lead Pastor, someone who could come and guide them through the next piece of their journey.  I had heard about this church although had no personal experience or connections to it.  From what I knew, it was a large, growing, vibrant church that sought new and bold ways to do ministry.  But wait, aren’t we currently in a church that is vibrant and growing, boldly loving to do ministry together?  Why consider moving from a church and community we love and who love us?  Move from a church that has loved us and shaped us every bit as much as, if not more than, we have them?  It didn’t seem to make sense…from the outside.  However, my response to my husband’s question was something like, “Sure.  It wouldn’t hurt to find out a bit more.”

   And that was that.  God started us on a journey that would impact hundreds of lives, including those of our four children, our many friends and our family.  Relationships that have been deeply rooted over the 18 years we lived and did ministry in the city were to be tested and torn.

Leaving what we Love

   So why leave a church, a community, a city that we love?  Why uproot all we have known in life to embark on a new journey that to many seemed like bad timing, bad thinking or maybe just plain bad?  We leave what we love because we obey the call of God.  Being in ministry means devoting our life to the work of God; we know that not everything makes sense to the average person looking in from the outside, and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense to us.  This decision to leave one church and head to another was not a choice between two really “good” churches, it was a choice to be obedient to God.  Obedience is not always easy, but it is always right.  Obedience is not always fun, but it is always foundational.  Making a tough decision to transition your life, family, and ministry to another place has to be a choice of obedience, and the belief that it will produce perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-5).  The great news is that the Bible promises us that “hope does not disappoint us”!  So in hope, we press on.

   Transitioning is also a decision made out of purposeful reflection on our spiritual gifts, both individually and as a family.  After having been in one place for 18 years, both my husband and I were feeling stagnant in our spiritual walk and usefulness.  Not that anything was bad; we walked closely with God and with our partners in ministry and could have continued on there being very happy for many years to come.  There were many fantastic things about where we were living and raising our family.  

   The question that really drove this transition process for me was this: were we being all we were called and created to be?  Was there more for us out there?  New experiences and challenges that we actually would not be able to accomplish by staying put?  There were many realistic and logical variables to consider: my job was in the city, our kids were committed to sports teams, we would be pulling our teenagers from an excellent high school, my husband had gone through a significant health crisis and was still being monitored so moving might impact his care, and the reality check of whether or not he was healthy enough to make the transition and continue on long term.  God took care of each of these concerns in miraculous ways, clearing the path for our transition.  There had  to be more for us out there, God was making that abundantly obvious.  He had so much more for us. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it was going to be adventurous. It was going to be a step of faith for our whole family.

What about the kids?

   The thought of transitioning our children was the hardest part of this decision.  Our older boys were part of a fantastic high school and had made wonderful friends; they were settled and enjoying life as teenagers do.  Our third born had just begun the first of his years at Middle School and would be leaving the sense of freedom and independence that came with finally being in sixth grade.  Our youngest son loved life and school and church; he didn’t have a care in the world most days!  

   So why pull them from a life they love, a church they love, and friends they love?  As parents, this was really tough.  We endeavoured from the beginning to include them in the process.  We did not want them to feel as if my husband and I had made a decision that was forced upon them.  We talked openly about moving; we acknowledged it was a difficult thing and we were very upfront that it was not going to be easy for any of us.  Our policy was to be open and honest with each other.  We encouraged our boys to be honest with how they were feeling, and we in turn were honest with them.  We thought is was important to model Godly decision making for them.  We included them in our doubts, our fears, our excitement, and our prayers.  We shared with them our concerns but also our commitment to following Christ in obedience.  For most of the transition journey our boys were “willing to”, but not necessarily “wanting to” move.  In their heads they understood that there is a bigger picture being painted, and that God has our family as part of that.  However, in their hearts, it was more difficult to comprehend.  

   Leaving hurts.  Plain and simple: it hurts and it is hard. 

   One day while in the process of making this decision, I was wrestling with God about pulling my children from our community. “What about the kids? How can we take our kids away from the only life they have known?” God clearly returned me to a place where I had had to trust Him with my children a few years ago.  I had been quite sick and facing death in the hospital, scared beyond belief about leaving my children and God asked me then, “Do you trust me?”. I knew then that I HAD to trust Him; I had no other option.  But I also knew that I wanted to trust Him, and that I could trust Him.  And so He reminded me again that He loved my children much more than I did, and that He had a plan and a purpose for them.  This decision of transitioning was not just about my husband’s job, it was not just about us as adults and parents trying our best to follow God and where He would place us.  

   No, it was about all of us, our whole family.  God has a purpose for each one of us.

   “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jer 29:11)

Finding New Community

   So now we live our lives in our new community, seeking to find and understand what God’s purposes are for us as a family, and for each one of us individually.  My children still wrestle  with the hurt and the change, but we assure them that God is bigger than their questions.  They are learning so much about who God is and what it means to live for Him in a new and different setting.  They are learning to bring their big questions to Him, that it is OK to ask God those questions, and that He isn’t offended when we feel He doesn’t make sense. They are learning things about God that I’m not sure they would have learned if they had not experienced the transition of obedience.  There is safety and security in staying, in remaining with the known and loved. But there is great opportunity for renewed faith, trust and hope in following God in obedience.  And “hope does not disappoint us”. 

   So in obedience and hope, we press on toward the goal.  

My 4 Sons

Twice this week, I have been shocked and stunned into the realization that my boys are growing into men.  I'm not sure that I am ready for it.  

On Monday night I sat between my two young teenagers and was overwhelmed to hear them sing as we began Holy Week together.  I looked down the row to see their 2 younger brothers singing and bouncing to the beat.  My heart nearly burst with joy and thankfulness.  I mentally wrapped my arms around these young men and held them close.  I didn't want to ever let go.

This morning, we walked in to church together for the Good Friday service and each of my boys seemed a few inches taller.  I'm not sure why.  We sat together in the second row (which rarely happens!) and again, I mentally wrapped my arms around all of them.  I wanted to draw them close, to soak up this moment of family togetherness, and to never let go.  As if he felt it too, my husband, who was sitting in front of us, reached over and grabbed my hand that was sitting on my knee.  He gave me a quick wink and squeezed my hand gently.  

Family.  Solidarity.  Strength.  Courage.  Unconditional love.  Growth.  Freedom.  Love.  Blessing.

These boys-turning-men are my everything.  They are unique but the same, adventurous but steady, funny but serious, talented but humble (well...most of the time).  Above all, they are my inspiration.

 

Johnny ~

My firstborn, my boy closer to manhood than I want to admit.  You are talented in so many ways and I pray that you know it and believe it.  Whether its in the sports you play or the people you encourage, you demonstrate a strength and a maturity that few have, but many recognize.  You are the best "biggest" brother that anyone could want.  Your compassion for others resonates in all you do.  Your leadership abilities will take you far.  Find true joy in serving others. Believe in yourself and above all, believe in the God who gave you all these wonderful abilities.  

Matt ~

My second born, my boy of many wonders and surprises.  There was a time when I might have called you the strong silent type, but now you have grown into a young man that knows when to speak and what to say.  One of my favourite moments was when you told me you were going to run for School Council President...it seemed so out of character for you!  But you grabbed that idea, ran with it, and won!!  This to me proves that you have an inner strength and determination that few have.  Your gentleness is evident to all.  You are destined to do great things, I am sure.  With God as your compass and your guide, go change the world!

                                                                                   

Eric ~

My third born, my boy of immense character and passion.  You have such a zest for life!  Your determination and passion for the things you desire is second to none - except maybe your sense of humour!!!  Your creative imagination is such a gift to you, to our family, and to our world.  I believe you will do great things with the zany thoughts that roll around your brain.  Find what you are passionate about and follow that with your heart, mind and soul.  You are incredibly gifted with an infectious personality and smile to match.  God has some wonderful things in store for you!

Mitch ~

My last born, my forever-baby, my boy of great joy and laughter.  When you were only 3 months old and I became very sick, you became my reason to live, my reason to be, my reason to get out of bed every morning when I really didn't feel like it.  Because you were there, needing me, smiling at me, grabbing my nose with your wee, chubby baby hand, I knew that I had to get better.  And not only for you, but for your brothers as well.  Hardly a day goes by that I don't thank God for giving me you to pull me through.  When I look at you, I see a masterpiece.  You love so deeply, and you are always striving to do your best and be your best in all you do.  Your creative energy will take you many places in this world.  Go with God in all you do, knowing that you will never walk this world alone.

When people find out I have 4 boys (and no girls), the words "wow", "busy", "how do you do it", "crazy", "I'm sorry", and "trying for a girl?" often escape their lips.  But really, I wouldn't want it any other way.  I love them beyond belief.  And I know that I am blessed beyond belief because I have the privilege of being their Mom.