Gloves in the Snow

I created this quote a couple of days ago. It was to accompany a post that I had written which I hoped would be both funny and inspiring. But alas, I accidentally deleted the post and could not find it anywhere. And that is the funny thing about this quote, the quote that says, “This event will not dictate my day but my reaction to it might.” 

Haha. Isn’t that the truth. 

I remind myself that this event, the deleting of a post, will not dictate my day. But my reaction to it could.

In the post I wrote about choosing delight over frustration. See, I could not find my gloves and it was -14 degrees and snowy outside. But as I left for work, I found my gloves buried in the snow on the driveway beside my van. I turned my van on and the words of a song came from the radio: “It’s all gonna be ok”. I laugh right out loud.

I know it was just gloves in the snow. No big deal, I get that. But I thought how quickly my entire day could change if I let frustration and disappointment overtake me right then. After all, my only gloves were in the snow, frozen, trampled on by curious bunnies in the night. And it was freezing cold and I had yard duty and recess to be outside. All of these things were true. But instead, I laughed out loud. I chose delight in finding my gloves. I chose to delight in a God who reminded me through a random song on the radio that it’s all gonna be ok. Frozen gloves and all.

That was Thursday. And yesterday I needed to remind myself of this again. As I sat alone in my classroom and wrote report cards, pouring over successes and strengths and abilities of my students, I found myself getting frustrated.

I found myself doubting and questioning my ability to teach my students. I found myself doubting my ability to write, to share, to even have a story worth listening to. I found myself questioning my very calling and my desire to teach and to reach the hearts of anyone who will listen. I found myself doubting that my story existed, that it matters, that it is even worth telling. I doubted my motive, my reason, my message.

And this reaction...this frustration, doubt, and disappointment began to dictate my day. I found myself following a spiral that was getting tighter and faster, spinning away from all that held meaning and truth and goodness, all that is full of purpose.

I broke down and cried right there in my classroom. I questioned what I was even doing there and wondered how I was going to carry on come Monday, let alone the rest of the term.

By the time I got home I was a mess. I blubbered words that I couldn’t even believe I was saying. As I spewed it out at my patient husband, I knew that I had let my reaction dictate my day. The event didn’t have to do it, my reaction of frustration and disappointment became what derailed me and the rest of my day. I had lived out what I had said I would not do. 

I could have chosen truth but I heard lies. I could have chosen delight but I heard doubt. I could have chosen contentment but I heard disappointment.

What changed it? For one, I believe saying the words out loud and hearing them in my own voice helped them lose their power over my heart and head. Naming the whirlwind of emotions that enveloped my thoughts helped me realize what was a lie and what was truth. Giving words to it all brought it into the light, and the words I was saying surprised even myself. But putting them out there released the pressure in my head and left room for truth to breathe. And then my husband told me to go and be alone and rest if I needed to. Go and do whatever you need to do, whatever is helpful. So I did. I laid down. And I also asked Jesus to help decipher the emotion that tanked me.

I am choosing humility when I let you know that the root if it all, the very dark pit that I was stuck in, was jealousy. That emotion of chasing after something with even an ounce of selfish desire and the feeling of actually getting something you don’t really deserve. I so desperately don’t want that to happen. I do not want anything I do to be done in self ambition. But that is where I was headed yesterday in my thoughts. I was throwing a bit of a pity party in my brain because I thought God wasn’t going to give me what I wanted. Really. That is what I thought.

I know better. Seriously.

I know in my heart of hearts, in my deepest desires that I only want what God wants for me. I was a mess because I was thinking about it all backwards. I was thinking about what I might do to get to a place I thought I should be. I was a mess because I let selfishness, jealousy and disappointment with myself and God take a prominent place in my heart and mind. I was a mess because I thought I saw God giving to other people what I wanted for myself and I believed God was disappointed in me. I saw God giving other people the part in the play that I wanted. But I was believing the lie that God wasn’t giving it to me.

It was just that. A lie.

A lie that dictated my day in a way that almost derailed my calling, my gifting and my desires. Because indeed, as he always does, God was actually giving me what I need. He reminded me that his timing is perfect, his love is unconditional, and his grace is more than fair. 

Every single day we have choices to make, about what we wear, what we eat, and about what we think. Events of all sorts happen to us every single day and even though those events may not dictate how our day goes, our reaction to any of them can certainly do just that. 

If finding my gloves in the snow brought frustration, I would leave for work already feeling like I was running uphill.

If running out of milk in the morning is deflating, then carrying that for the rest of the day will wear you out and bring you down.

If getting every red light on your way to an appointment, making you late, invites anger, then you will arrive into that appointment feeling like things don't ever go your way.

If your child does not listen, your spouse does not follow through, or your friend does not come through. Whatever it may be that causes frustration, disappointment, discouragement, or discontentment, remember that how you choose to react in that moment could dictate how the rest of your day goes. 

Instead of anger, offer grace. Instead of jealousy, offer celebration. Instead of frustration, offer help. Instead of discouragement, offer delight. Every event gives us an opportunity to choose how the rest of our day is going to go. Choose wisely. Choose well. Choose truth.

"Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." (Col 3:1,2)

"Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." (Phil 4:8,9)

Claim It

Yesterday was a big day for our family. Our oldest son passed his road test and is now an official driver on the roads in Ontario (and elsewhere, I guess...if we ever let him leave the area!!). YAY!!

So I made a little cake to celebrate! "Happy G2 to you! Happy G2 to you!"

This did not come easily, it was not a given, it was a chance for him - and us as his parents - to overcome nerves, to forget what was in the past, to face fear with strength and power. He had failed his first attempt at this so overcoming that fear, going back at it, was huge for him. Failure is difficult for any of us, but this particular failure fractured my son. Facing failure is a life lesson that we all have to keep learning (unfortunately!). And while it presents the enemy with an opportunity to tell us otherwise, we need to remember that:

God does not delight in our failure, but He does delight in how we deal with our failure. 

Face it and learn from it. Go back at it. Go back to God with it. Our future is not determined by our past failures, but by our present victories. Often we don't even try, we don't venture into where God would have us because we are afraid. We are fearful; we are full of fear. Failure makes us feel less than, not good enough, second best at best. We hear and feel the lies of an enemy who seeks to destroy who we are. Battle back. Battle hard. Remember WHOSE you are. Stand firm. Stay strong. Claim the victory that has already been won on your behalf. 

"Be strong and courageous, and do the work.  Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you." (2 Chron 28:20)

There has been a lot of talk about "fear" lately. Fear of world events, fear of weather,  fear of failure, fear of test results, fear of mountains that need to be climbed - or moved - fear because many things seem, well, out of our control.

But that is just it. Things are out of our control.

And that is a good thing. In fact, that is a great thing.

Because, let's be honest, if we could actually control all those things we are fearful of, we would be in a much bigger mess than we could ever imagine. I mean, I can't control the regular cleaning my house or the routine of going grocery shopping or things my kids say and do. How would I ever control something much bigger? Especially when those much bigger situations also include other people, who I certainly can not control.

We can be thankful that Someone bigger than us is in control and therefore we really do not have anything to fear.

In chatting with other women - with some of you - who are are facing fears in big brave ways, it is becoming evident that we need to claim who we are in Christ. Our identity has to come from something - Some One - that is bigger than what we see, who we are married to, who our children are, or where we work (or where we don't...).  Beth Moore, in her "Inheritance" Bible study, talks about a "river of fear" that is essentially flowing through our land of inheritance which is keeping us from living fully in our calling. This river of fear seems too big, too wide, too rough, too deep to cross. We can give it all sorts of excuses, but the truth is, when we are hidden in Christ, walking with him in and through this fear, we already have the victory over it. Yes, we can get over the river and cross over in victory! We can cross that river on the bridge built of love and trust and sacrifice by Jesus Christ himself. Face the fear. Cross the river. Claim the victory.

Now, I know that a whole whack of you are saying, "Easier said than done", and you are about to stop reading. Keep reading. Please. Because I believe God wants you to hear some truth today.

What are these fears that are keeping us from living in the full truth of our calling? This is just a sampling of words I have heard lately: judgement, insecurity, self-doubt, comparison, too hard, too long, I'm tired, I've tried, someone else is already doing that, there are thousands of people better at that, how can I be sure that is actually from God?

My dear Sister, these are lies that bombard our hearts and minds daily. We have to equip ourselves with the heart and mind of God if we are to overcome them.  Thankfully, God has given us the tools to do so. 
He has given us His Word - Learn it. Read it. Memorize it. Say it. Claim it.
He has given us His Spirit - Comfort. Peace. Wisdom. Power. Sound mind.
He has given us each other - Live. Love. Dream. Pray...together.

One of my new prayer habits is praying Scripture. I love that when I don't have the words, God does. When I don't know what words to pray, God's Word gives me the words. For my son I prayed, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound mind"(2 Tim 1:7). I just love that!       

Newsflash!!! Those fearful thoughts you have? They are not from God. 

When we feel fear, it is not from God. God did not give us that spirit. The spirit He gave us is His Holy Spirit - called the Comforter, the Counsellor (John 14:16)- the advocate of peace and wisdom (John 14:26). He has provided for us an avenue to approach the throne of grace with confidence (Heb 4:16) so that we can pray with boldness and strength.

And so that we can do that thing we have been called to do. 

Even if we have to do it scared. Because by doing it scared, we are stomping on the words and lies of the enemy who tells us we can't. We are taking hold of that fear with both fists, giving it a good shake, and saying, "Not on my land, you don't. Not on my God-given land". 

Claim that God's words are greater, that His power is greater, that His Spirit is greater.

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." (1John 4:4)

What is keeping you from living fully in the calling God has for you? What fear is preventing you from fully embracing your true identity in Christ? 

Name it. Face it. 

Cross the river. Claim the victory.