Uganda Bound!

Our bags are packed! We're ready to go! 

Andrew and I are heading to Uganda to visit the I Live Again Uganda mission. We are excited!! We are thrilled to be travelling with friends, Don and Catherine who have visited Uganda before and have some fore knowledge of what we will be encountering. 

It will be an adventure for sure! But it will also be eye-opening, mind-blowing, and heart-stretching.

As we board our plane tomorrow morning, we are embarking on a journey that we know will change us, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We know that by going on this journey, we will see things we haven't seen before, meet people we haven't met before, people who have endured a lifetime of trauma and hurt, yet desire healing and health and a way forward, and we will see God at work. This is what personally, I am looking forward to witnessing! How God has worked to heal and restore people and relationships after having life broken and stolen away. We know that we are not alone as we go, that many of our friends and family are cheering us on, sending us out with encouragement, love, and prayer support. 

We will be posting about our trip as often as we can, using this blog to do so. Feel free to read along and join us as we go! 

See you in Uganda!

BookLook: Where the Blue Sky Begins (Katie Powner)

Welcome back to my blog! I have taken quite the hiatus but am attempting to reconnect here by way of posting book reviews. The books I will review have been generously provided by Graf-Martin Communications and select publishers.

Where the Blue Sky Begins by Katie Powner (Bethany House)

                                                                  

As I began reading this book, I thought it would be predictable; I thought I knew where it was going. But it had a few twists and turns along the way. It landed in, yes a place of character redemption, but in a way that mirrored real life. What I really liked about this book was that the struggles, the facades, the relationships seemed real. The main character was a bit hard to swallow at first, but the story arc demonstrated redemption and beauty without being perfect. Although I am generally one for a happy ending, I was pleased that this one didn't tie up all the loose ends in a pretty bow. It left me feeling satisfied, not questioning, trusting that Eric would continue down this path of healing.

Eric Larson is an over confident financial advisor who is striving for the tenth floor corner office of his uncle's Seattle based company. His uncle sends him to a small town in Montana to provide some change and growth. Eric assumed all along that the "change and growth" that his uncle expected was for the company. Throughout the novel, Eric begins to realize that the "change and growth" his uncle expected was actually in Eric himself. 

Eunice Parker is a single woman with secrets that she can no longer keep. Her one goal is to make amends with the seven people on her list before she dies. Through an unsuspecting circumstance, her life crosses with Eric's and a unique friendship is born. I liked that this was not a romantic relationship, but rather a friendship that demonstrated frustration, hope, encouragement and perseverance; their friendship ends up saving both of them in different ways.

Katie Power weaves a beautiful story of life and death, forgiveness and hope, and redemption and grace, through unsuspecting friendships and small town events. Where the Blue Sky Begins will force you to take a look at your own life and areas where you may need to seek forgiveness and restoration. Ultimately, it allows readers to ready our hearts, minds, and souls for "where the blue sky begins".

*Thanks to Graf-Martin Communications and Bethany House Publishers for a chance to read and review this book.

For the Love of Raisin Cakes (Hosea 3)

Hosea 2 paints a beautiful picture of God’s restoration and redemptive plan for his people. His promise to remain faithful to His covenant people inspite of their consistent turning away is described in flowing detail. Personally, I love how specific God gets with the redemption of Hosea’s children: 

Jezreel (“God sows”) will one day have the earth respond to him (2:22); 

Lo-ruhamah (“not shown mercy”) will be shown compassion (2:23); 

Lo-ammi (“not my people”) will hear God say, “You are my people” (2:23).

The prophetic story of Hosea 2 is a depiction of the faithful and sacrificial love of our God. Redemption and restoration have always been his plan. Always.

Amen.

Let’s read on because Hosea 3 made me stop and actually laugh right in verse 1!

“Then the Lord said to me, “Go again; show love to a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, just as the Lord loves the Israelites though they turn to other gods and 

love raisin cakes.”” (CSV)

Raisin cakes? What kind of sin or immoral act is loving raisin cakes? My husband loves Raisin Pie, and while this may be yucky to me (and many others), it certainly is not immoral!

Other versions of the Bible say, “and love the sacred raisin cakes” (NIV). The NLT says, “...even though the people have turned to other gods and love to worship them,” with a footnote that says, “love their raisin cakes”. 

Since we are encouraged to look at these things from a Middle Eastern perspective, I thought…”What’s the big deal in the Middle East about raisin cakes?” I did some digging and it turns out that, yes, these are cakes of dried fruit, pressed together. They were eaten by the rich and wealthy, those with lucious and full vineyards. It is also likely that they had a sacred or ceremonial connection to Baal worship, something that was eaten during worship to idols.

Although cakes of raisins, or raisins in cakes, are not bad in and of themselves, the predominant thought is that this idea is being used as God’s warning to the people of Israel against becoming lured into the ways of the rich, becoming lovers of money and wealth and prominence. As well, they could turn away from worshipping the one true God and participate in the worship of idols. 

God’s love remains faithful. His ways remain redemptive and true. 

“Afterward, the people of Israel will return and seek the Lord their God and David their king. They will come with awe to the Lord and to his goodness in the last days.” (3:5)

Even today, God continues to call us to Himself even though we wander away, become lured into things of the world, follow paths He has warned us not to follow, and indulge in the things He has told us to avoid.

Even today, God is loving and faithful, guiding us, directing us, giving us wisdom and courage along the way. Raisin cakes may not be your temptation. Cakes of pressed fruit may not be what pulls you away from Jesus. Chances are, those things are not coming in between you and God. However, something else most likely stands in its place. Something else probably exists in your life that could pull you off course, cause you to look the other way, and make you turn away from the Truth. Do you know what that is? Maybe spend some time with God ponder that question.

Hosea's warning - God's warning - is clear: don't do it.

But the promise is also clear: God loves you, desires for you to live life to the full, and He will do anything, even send His son to die on a cross, for you.

Yes, you.

You are that loved, dear friend. You are that loved.

💜

**for more on raisin cakes in the Bible visit:

Eating The Bible Blog

Core Christianity

Taking God at His Word

In Matthew 9:20-22, we read of a woman who suffered from bleeding for 12 years. Amongst other pains, this would have isolated and excluded her from her social and spiritual community.

Yet she desired *maybe in desperation* to take a chance.

She braved the crowds she shouldn’t see.

She reached for the garment she shouldn’t touch.

She took God at His Word that she so deeply believed and hoped in:

“But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings…” (Mal 4:2)

She believed with hope that healing would be found in the wings of the robe of this man Jesus.

She reached out and touched the end of the robe she should not touch.

And she received all she ever needed and wanted:

First:

“Jesus turned and saw her.”

Maybe for the first time in 12 years someone dared to turn TO her, dared to SEE her. 

But Jesus did.

Second:

Jesus gives her the hope and healing she so desperately sought. Graciously, honestly, genuinely, no questions asked, gives her compassion, grace and healing. Because she believed he not only could, but would. Now that is faith.

“Have courage, daughter,…your faith has saved you.”

You, dear daughter of God, can take God at His Word today.

What are you believing Him for? 

What grace do you hope to find as you desperately reach out and touch the end of his robe?

There, in the closeness of Jesus, hope and healing can be found.

“Have courage, daughter…”

*inspired by Kristi McLelland, Jesus and Women, Bible study

also published on Instagram @shinebrightjournaling and Facebook @CompassWomen

On Turning 50 and Other Rambling Thoughts

Here it is, the final day of February. I had set a goal for myself that I would write one blog post a month, and I almost missed the mark on the very second month of the year! I am happy to be getting one in here, just under the wire. Phew...

In January, I began using The Next Right Thing Guided Journal by Emily P. Freeman..​ 

Side note: not only had I bought myself a copy, but I was also given a copy by some friends who know me well...this I recorded as an “arrow” to keep journaling, keep figuring out what my next right thing is. I am not paid for this, but you too, should get a copy

Each month begins with a space for a quote. As January came to a close and I was prepping for February, I chose a quote from Jennie Allen’s ​Get Out of Your Head​ bible study book:

“God is not only concerned with the posture of our hearts but also the people on each of our arms. In terms of fulfilling our mission in life we can’t do anything worthwhile alone.” (85)

With this quote as my focus for the month, I have been reflecting on community. As I have looked back over the month, I have seen the theme of people - friends & family - all gathered around me at different times and for different purposes. And it was beautiful. Beautiful to see God at work. Beautiful to see how others allowed God to use them. Beautiful to see how my life intersected the lives of those I live with and work with and do life in general with. God brought so much good out of each time my life came into contact with another. Whether I was giving or receiving, a holy exchange was made. Grace was extended and received, forgiveness was offered and accepted, love was poured out and absorbed.

Sometimes I miss these moments even though I am right in them. Are you like me, often realizing a little too late that there is a holy exchange happening even though you are right in the middle of it? I actually probably miss these moments ​because​ I’m right in the middle of them. I don’t recognize the way God’s hand is moving, the way he is prompting, the way he is guiding because I am caught up in the swirl of the spiral of life that is spinning around me. But my desire is to be more present and aware. I want to recognize and acknowledge all that is happening ​in the moment​. Reflecting back has allowed me to trace the hand of God, and to see him at work. Reflecting back has helped me be more aware in the present.

Let me backup another month. January 2021. The month that held my 50th birthday.

If there is ever cause for reflection, it is the time surrounding a significant birthday. To be honest, turning 50 was something I had been anticipating for a very long time. To me, turning 50 would symbolize an arrival at something; what specifically that was, I’m really not sure. It was more of an anticipation of becoming, an expectation of what or who I would be, as well as an excitement for all that lies ahead. It truly was a moment in life that I looked forward to celebrating. (As for that particular celebration, my boys outdid themselves! They went over the top in preparation and presentation. Oh the love!)

As part of my birthday events, I was blessed to listen to words sent to me by friends from long ago and friends from my right-now world. Throughout this, I made a conscious effort to be present in the moment and not only hear the words, but to take them in. I chose to receive the words that were being said and to absorb them into my very soul, because I knew that the words came not only from my dear friends, but these words were also truth spoken by Jesus. I often have the tendency to brush off the words of others, but this time, in humility and grace, I chose to accept them. This was not easy for me, but the truth is - and this is my point - that these words were actually a reflection of who God is and who God has created me to be. Each word was an affirmation of the faithfulness of God in my life. Each word was not so much about me as it was a spotlight on Jesus. These words were a reflection of who God had been, who he is, and who he will continue to be in my life.

Being reminded of these things, of the God-things from our past - this is a good thing. Reflection brings affirmation. Reflection brings perspective. Reflection brings truth. It is good to reflect and to remember what God has done, to affirm how he has used us, and to celebrate how he has worked deep within us to change us.

Remembering is to acknowledge the faithfulness of God. Through sickness and health. Through chaos and peace. Through doubt and certainty. Through death and life. Through hard and holy. There has been a lot of all of these things in the last 50 years, and I anticipate there will be more to come in the next 50. But the good news that I have been reminded of over this significant celebration and the days that have followed it, is that I am not alone in any of it. There are people that God has placed around me for each and every part of the journey.

God has not left me alone. Ever.

Through sickness and health. Through chaos and peace. Through doubt and certainty. Through death and life. Through hard and holy. God gave me people. God provided a community of men and women, family and friends, soul mates and classmates, co workers and co labourers to journey together with through the daily grind of life.

And I am thankful for each one.

Years ago when I began writing this blog, I called it “Blessed Beyond Belief” for a reason. That reason was simple: I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had been - and will continue to be - blessed beyond belief in this life. I do not deserve it - the people, the grace, the blessings that come regardless of my own selfish and determined actions. Yet God continues to provide. God continues to protect, redeem, restore, and forgive because God also promises, and I have lived 50 years that shine a light on the truth of those promises.

And that is why I have been blessed beyond belief for the last 50 years. If you are reading this and have made it to the very end, thank you. Thank you for being one of the many people that God has blessed me with in this life. Whether I have known you for years or for days, thank you for blessing me with your presence, with your words, and with your friendship.

You are just another reason that I am truly blessed beyond belief.

Celebrating together with a family hockey game on our rink.

Gloves in the Snow

I created this quote a couple of days ago. It was to accompany a post that I had written which I hoped would be both funny and inspiring. But alas, I accidentally deleted the post and could not find it anywhere. And that is the funny thing about this quote, the quote that says, “This event will not dictate my day but my reaction to it might.” 

Haha. Isn’t that the truth. 

I remind myself that this event, the deleting of a post, will not dictate my day. But my reaction to it could.

In the post I wrote about choosing delight over frustration. See, I could not find my gloves and it was -14 degrees and snowy outside. But as I left for work, I found my gloves buried in the snow on the driveway beside my van. I turned my van on and the words of a song came from the radio: “It’s all gonna be ok”. I laugh right out loud.

I know it was just gloves in the snow. No big deal, I get that. But I thought how quickly my entire day could change if I let frustration and disappointment overtake me right then. After all, my only gloves were in the snow, frozen, trampled on by curious bunnies in the night. And it was freezing cold and I had yard duty and recess to be outside. All of these things were true. But instead, I laughed out loud. I chose delight in finding my gloves. I chose to delight in a God who reminded me through a random song on the radio that it’s all gonna be ok. Frozen gloves and all.

That was Thursday. And yesterday I needed to remind myself of this again. As I sat alone in my classroom and wrote report cards, pouring over successes and strengths and abilities of my students, I found myself getting frustrated.

I found myself doubting and questioning my ability to teach my students. I found myself doubting my ability to write, to share, to even have a story worth listening to. I found myself questioning my very calling and my desire to teach and to reach the hearts of anyone who will listen. I found myself doubting that my story existed, that it matters, that it is even worth telling. I doubted my motive, my reason, my message.

And this reaction...this frustration, doubt, and disappointment began to dictate my day. I found myself following a spiral that was getting tighter and faster, spinning away from all that held meaning and truth and goodness, all that is full of purpose.

I broke down and cried right there in my classroom. I questioned what I was even doing there and wondered how I was going to carry on come Monday, let alone the rest of the term.

By the time I got home I was a mess. I blubbered words that I couldn’t even believe I was saying. As I spewed it out at my patient husband, I knew that I had let my reaction dictate my day. The event didn’t have to do it, my reaction of frustration and disappointment became what derailed me and the rest of my day. I had lived out what I had said I would not do. 

I could have chosen truth but I heard lies. I could have chosen delight but I heard doubt. I could have chosen contentment but I heard disappointment.

What changed it? For one, I believe saying the words out loud and hearing them in my own voice helped them lose their power over my heart and head. Naming the whirlwind of emotions that enveloped my thoughts helped me realize what was a lie and what was truth. Giving words to it all brought it into the light, and the words I was saying surprised even myself. But putting them out there released the pressure in my head and left room for truth to breathe. And then my husband told me to go and be alone and rest if I needed to. Go and do whatever you need to do, whatever is helpful. So I did. I laid down. And I also asked Jesus to help decipher the emotion that tanked me.

I am choosing humility when I let you know that the root if it all, the very dark pit that I was stuck in, was jealousy. That emotion of chasing after something with even an ounce of selfish desire and the feeling of actually getting something you don’t really deserve. I so desperately don’t want that to happen. I do not want anything I do to be done in self ambition. But that is where I was headed yesterday in my thoughts. I was throwing a bit of a pity party in my brain because I thought God wasn’t going to give me what I wanted. Really. That is what I thought.

I know better. Seriously.

I know in my heart of hearts, in my deepest desires that I only want what God wants for me. I was a mess because I was thinking about it all backwards. I was thinking about what I might do to get to a place I thought I should be. I was a mess because I let selfishness, jealousy and disappointment with myself and God take a prominent place in my heart and mind. I was a mess because I thought I saw God giving to other people what I wanted for myself and I believed God was disappointed in me. I saw God giving other people the part in the play that I wanted. But I was believing the lie that God wasn’t giving it to me.

It was just that. A lie.

A lie that dictated my day in a way that almost derailed my calling, my gifting and my desires. Because indeed, as he always does, God was actually giving me what I need. He reminded me that his timing is perfect, his love is unconditional, and his grace is more than fair. 

Every single day we have choices to make, about what we wear, what we eat, and about what we think. Events of all sorts happen to us every single day and even though those events may not dictate how our day goes, our reaction to any of them can certainly do just that. 

If finding my gloves in the snow brought frustration, I would leave for work already feeling like I was running uphill.

If running out of milk in the morning is deflating, then carrying that for the rest of the day will wear you out and bring you down.

If getting every red light on your way to an appointment, making you late, invites anger, then you will arrive into that appointment feeling like things don't ever go your way.

If your child does not listen, your spouse does not follow through, or your friend does not come through. Whatever it may be that causes frustration, disappointment, discouragement, or discontentment, remember that how you choose to react in that moment could dictate how the rest of your day goes. 

Instead of anger, offer grace. Instead of jealousy, offer celebration. Instead of frustration, offer help. Instead of discouragement, offer delight. Every event gives us an opportunity to choose how the rest of our day is going to go. Choose wisely. Choose well. Choose truth.

"Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." (Col 3:1,2)

"Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." (Phil 4:8,9)

Calling My Heart Back

This picture has got me all UNDONE.

                                     c. Hallmark Channel, "When Calls the Heart", Season 5, Ep 10, 2018

Although a Janette Oke fan from many many years ago, I recently, and quite accidentally, started watching "When Calls The Heart" on Netflix. However, it quickly turned from being a one episode accident to a full fledged binge watch. I cleared 6 seasons in an unspecified number of days, thanks to Netflix and CBC Gem app, and now my heart will never be the same - mostly because I weathered the Jack and Elizabeth courtship, engagement, deployment, wedding, deployment, and death in a few short days.

Oh. My. Heart.

But this picture.

This is Elizabeth sitting on the property of her beloved Jack where their hopes were to build a home, a family, and a life together. She is reading a letter Jack wrote to her which she was only to receive if he ever didn't come home from his "Mountie Business". This letter is filled with all things romantic and sad and hard and hopeful, as it should be, and clearly, he didn't come home. She is gently and lovingly touching "JT + ET" etched inside a heart on the log. Cue full on cry. Thank you Hallmark Channel.

My heart hurts when I see this picture. I relive the sorrow and sadness so beautifully expressed by the actress (Erin Krakow). I have never cried over a show/movie/story line like I did over this one. Her pain is real and deep and devastating as her hopes for a future with Jack are shattered by the heroic death of her Mountie husband. I have not been able to shake this scene and the emotion of it, which is what a good story is meant to do. But my feeling into her pain was seeming a bit much, it was seeming a little weird if truth be told...maybe even silly. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't process this correctly, with a mature, "It's just a TV show. Those characters aren't real," mindset. Why was it sticking to me so, and causing such a physical ache within me that seemed unshakeable?

Because my pain wasn't really about Elizabeth and her life and Jack's death and the TV show. The depth of my pain was about me and my life. It was about the fact that I have been numb and without feeling for weeks now. It's about the fact that I have been busy and going through the motions and getting the next things done - on so many levels. It's about the fact that I haven't been feeling my own feelings or the feelings of God for me. I haven't let anything out and I haven't let anything in.

This picture, and the storyline preceding it, changed all that - eventually. It took the fierce grief of a well acted story, and a little bit of time, but the flood gates of my heart opened and I let it all out. A good ugly cry can be a good healing thing. I felt the gentle nudge of Jesus to embrace this pain that I was feeling, the emotion that didn't really seem to make sense yet was directing and shaping my current thoughts. So I embraced it...hard. I let it all go.

Then I let Him all in.

And I felt. I actually felt something. I felt something deep beyond the surface of the must do's of life. I felt beyond the next thing directly in front of me. I let myself sit in the depth of this pain because it was healing to my soul. Sadness can be hard and scary, but today it was healing and freeing. It brought me back to myself and closer to the person that God has created me to be.

I felt His smile - not at me but for me.

I felt His pleasure in me - for fully embracing the emotional being he has created me to be. God has created me to feel into the pain of others (real or on screen apparently!) and I have not been operating in that presence lately. I have not been letting that very real piece of me have a voice into my very own life.

We are all on a journey - sometimes darkness, sadness, discouragement, even loss, will be part of that journey. Allowing these emotions to come in will help us become people who can also better celebrate, encourage, laugh and live along the journey. Life takes feeling both. So I am being gentle with myself because I know it's a like a tightrope that I can quickly fall off of if I rush through this. But I am choosing to walk the rope, one step at a time. I am choosing to be true to God and who he has created me to be.

Who knew that "When Calls The Heart" would call my heart back? I am now a converted #heartie, although, admittedly a little late to the game (this story is from Season 5 in 2018). I am still recovering from my binge watching run through Hope Valley and its people, but am also eagerly anticipating the rest of the story - for them and for me.

Wrestle & Surrender

My heart and my will have had a battle recently. This battle has been the essence of the wrestling match that I have had with my writing. For a long time I have wanted to write a book and I believed that The Book was to be The Purpose, as well as The End Goal, of my writing. But I have come to realize - and accept - that this is not the case. I have surrendered what I thought was my desire in life and the underlying drive for all my professional and ministry decisions. 

This wrestle and surrender has birthed a great freedom and a renewed confidence to embark on the steps of the journey. 

I so often forget that the steps are 

not only the way to the goal, 

but they are the only way to that goal. 

Few people in life jump from the bottom of the valley to the top of the mountain without actually climbing the rock face, finding the proper grip spot, holding on tight, and swinging their body into a new position, ready to tackle the next hold. Few people don’t have to do the hard work of doing the actual work before they reach they top. And few people don’t also slide backwards down the mountain side a few times while making their climb, relying fully on the safety rope to grab them tight and prevent them from falling.

This is where I am at. I have climbed. I have worked. I have slid. I have changed my course and climbed again. I have a renewed purpose and passion for my writing. What you will read about is real life, real things, and a real God.

While I desire with a new passion to live with eternity in my heart, I do not want to miss out on the opportunities that God is giving me right now to actually live out that truth. Yes, I want eternity to be what draws me and motivates me, but I also want my everyday life to reflect that. I want my everyday life and decisions and emotions to mirror the heart and desire and purposes of God. I want my every day life to be more about Him and less about me. 

..

It’s about being obedient in the here and now.

..

It’s about loving God, obeying Him, and remaining with Him.

..

And you know what else? It’s about your life too. It’s about making the most of this life in the time we’ve been given. 

This is what I want for you...that you would use what God has given you to make the most of the days He has given you. 

I want to see you live life like it actually counts for something more. I want you to know that every little thing you do matters to your people and to your God. And I want the same for myself. I want to live with passion and purpose and I want every breath you and I breathe to mean something.

So, it has become less about a book and more about a life. My life. Your life. The life that we live every single day. Yes, these daily events that make up my life might someday help shape the words of a book but that is not my sole purpose right now. Life is. Living well and loving well those God has put in my path. Walking alongside and encouraging those whose lives intersect with mine.

It is good to surrender to the wrestle, but it is also good to participate in the wrestle. Wrestling helps us define what is it is we are here for, the passions that drive us, and the purpose that directs us. It is hard, but it is good.

I do not know what my writing future holds, but I do know that I want to live surrendered to the One who does. Truthfully, there is a book in me somewhere. But the blessing right now is that it is not the book that is driving my inner desires. It is not a well written book that is making my life count. It is a well lived life that will someday make the book count.

How To Not Let Quarantine Kill Your Kids

Quarantine Parenting 101...or not.
  

Parenting during quarantine has been more of a challenge than I had anticipated it to be. I have discovered that in parenting teenagers specifically right now, there is a fine line or a tension that exists between the freedom and the rules, the fun and the mundane, the teenaged "chill" and the teenaged "angst".

We have to let them be while still being their parent. We have to provide both boundary and space, walking the line between excessive and expected, between impulsive and ordinary. Yes, there is tension in quarantine parenting.

I am not going to pretend that I have ever parented little people through a quarantine season. But my heart lies with parenting teenagers through this season. Parenting my teenagers is what keeps me awake at night.

Aside from shedding a slim light on aspects of teenage mental health (which are very real), not much has been said about the trials of parenting well, the teenagers that live within our walls during this season of quarantine. Unless of course, you have a graduating teenager in your home, in which case there has been much said about the loss of the expected celebrations and everyone feels deeply for our graduates; these teenagers deserve to be talked about and recognized for their efforts and achievements!

But what about the teenagers that are just trying to live out their best quarantine lives right now? What about the average teenager who is trying to do school, fill time, and survive somewhat alone and without all that they are used to having surround them - friends, gatherings, and sports, not to mention spontaneity, laughter, and fun? I know that this season of quarantine is impacting, and will ultimately change, every single one of us. And our teenagers are no exception.

Teenagers are Captains of their own worlds, and quarantine doesn't change that. Now they are Captains of Quarantine who don't ever leave your house (except maybe for that questionably rebellious "socially distanced" backyard hangout...). The influence and impact of their captaincy is felt within the walls of our homes; their "chill" is not as benign as they think it might be, but rather it oozes into life and family. If you, like me, have more than one Captain in your home, it can become even more challenging to manage, understand, love, and parent through because they all ooze differently and generally at different times!

So how can we not let quarantine kill our kids, but maybe, perhaps...have them come out better people on the other side of this?

I don't have a step by step solution for this question. But one thing I do know: You have made it this far. You have parented them up to this point. So keep on doing what you are doing because parenting is not cancelled.

Teenagers need us even when they pretend that they don't. 

They need us to be present, not perfect - we are trying to figure this out. 

They need us to be gracious, not difficult - they are trying to figure this out, too.

Hold them tight, but with tenderness. Provide both security and freedom, and let them grow and learn while discovering who they are within the safety of your home. This is the beautiful tension of Quarantine Parenting: both the good and the bad are happening within the safety of your home. The key here is to ensure that it is actually a safe place where your teenager can be their own Captain while allowing others to be themselves too, where your teenager can thrive in who they are because they know it's ok to make a mistake, to push back a bit, and you - their parent - will not falter, nor fault them. 

And pray. Pray for your teenager. Pray for any siblings. Pray for your spouse. Pray for yourself. 

This is not a time to give up but rather to dig deep, so don't give up on them or on yourself. Love your teenagers fiercely, if even from a Cool Mom distance. Love them and believe in them, because you really are their world, whether they realize it or not.

If every day parenting takes work, Quarantine Parenting definitely takes work. I encourage you to give it all you've got, even when it's hard, because your kids are worth it. We're all in this together and we're all going to come out of it together, too.

From Worry to Wonder

Putting words to anything has been difficult lately. There are so many words and emotions that flutter through my heart and soul these days. It seems that they can’t land in any one place, can’t settle, can’t be felt and expressed with the weight and importance that they hold. I am sure that I am not the only one. 

As I would frequently try to grasp at the words or thoughts that fill the air around me, I find myself becoming frustrated with my inability to make sense of it all. That frustration led to what I can best describe as worry. Now I am not a worrier by nature; I tend to see and fight for the positive in most situations and I can usually tackle challenges with determination. 

But I realized that this time it was different. This time I felt a little lost, a little undone, and more than a little at loss for words. It took me a while to realize - and admit! - that what I held in my heart was worry. This worry had crept in slowly, maybe beginning back when school was still in, I was still teaching in front of a physical classroom, and my own kids were busy at their various schools doing their various classes and fulfilling their various responsibilities in life, and my husband was busy at our physical church building, loving and serving and walking out every day ministry within that space. 

On the Thursday before the “last day of school” in March, my 16 year old son said to me, “Within a matter of 12 hours, everything in my life besides family and faith has been taken away. No hockey, no March Break missions trip to the DR, to friends, no school. It feels weird. I wonder what is left in my life? Those things were everything. They were all I did. What do I do now?”, and with a perplexed look, he turned and walked away. I knew that I could have spoken words of truth and affirmation right then and there, but I also knew that he needed to process the loss and grief that he was rightfully feeling. Because I was beginning to feel it too. Everything had been taken away. So I let him walk away and I felt my heart begin to ache.

What was this worry that began to seep into my soul as Covid-19 began to seep into our country? I was pretty sure that I was  not worried about getting sick, or catching this virus (and we have been following and abiding and believing in the “Stay Home” mantra), but I was beginning to worry because of the uncertainty. So much was changing so fast that I felt I couldn’t keep up.

My older two boys were home from university, then back to residence, then home again, then back, and then finally, home. Young adults moving back home after being at away at school can be challenging at the best of times, but under these circumstances it could be a disaster of epic proportion! Without much warning, they each left their friends, their routines, their communities, their supports behind. They too, experienced loss and grief as life changed quickly for them. In many ways, everything was taken away from them as well. TIme to process all of that and adjust back into family life was important. Unconditional love and grace and acceptance. And patience.

My younger two boys both play a lot of hockey. They eat, sleep, breathe, and play hockey. Now they could not play it, nor could they watch it. A love taken away. They were also both supposed to go away on youth missions trips with our church over March Break - one to the Dominican Republic and one to Windsor but both trips were cancelled. A love taken away. They were told to stay within the walls of their home, without their friends to hangout, laugh and play with. A love taken away. One had his drivers’ license road test cancelled. Hope taken away. This 16 year old who was born into the world during SARS and has major life events cancelled because of Covid-19. What does this mean for his life? How does this reality play into who he is and who he will become?

With so much being taken away, worry began to settle in. I did not invite it in, but I certainly let it in. I let it in almost without knowing it. It just started to creep into my thoughts and I let it stay there. As one postponed event piled on top of another cancellation and then another and another, I did not give myself time to think, process and accept the reality of life around me - the loss and the grief that goes along with it. I felt for my kids and for all they had to endure and adjust to. I felt for my husband and all that he was adjusting to as well. As mom and wife, I just rolled with the changes, and tucked my worry deep into my chest hardly even realizing it was there.

Until one day my chest told me it was there...literally. I woke up one morning with a heavy pain in my chest. I knew instinctively that this was a heart issue. Not a medical heart issue but an emotional and spiritual heart issue. I was holding tight to something that wasn’t mine to hold. I needed to let go of something, give it away, get rid of it. 

And that thing, that painful heaviness in my chest, was worry.

I first had to admit that I was holding it and then I had to willingly relinquish that hold. During this process, I was able to take my worrisome thoughts, those things that I was holding on to, those ideas and thoughts that I knew deep down in my soul were not helpful to anyone, especially me and exchange them for wonder. 

My heart went from worry to wonder.

I changed my worrying thoughts into questions about and for God. In doing so I shifted my perspective from worry to wonder. Instead of focusing on “What on earth is going on?”, I intentionally changed my thoughts to “What is God doing on His earth?” and “What is God doing in me?”

Worry for my kids changed to wonder about how God was going to use this situation in their lives in the future.

Worry for my husband changed to wonder about how God is changing our church for the better.

Worry for my job to wonder at how God will use these new online skills I am learning to benefit so many other people.

Worry for my ministry opportunities to wonder at the creativity of God to use me however he sees fit - and my willingness to participate in that as well.

I needed to refocus, reframe, and retrain my thought patterns. 

The Bible tells us in Colossians 3:2 to “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things,” and in 2 Cor 4:18 we are reminded to “...fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” In other words, if we focus on the negativity that surrounds us, we lose sight on the beauty that awaits us. The beauty given to us in the everyday good gifts from a gracious and loving God who seeks to know us and be known by us.

If we fix our eyes on the worry we will lose sight of the wonder.

So how do we do this? How can we stay focused on the wonder and not the worry? I have a couple of suggestions for you.

1. Memorize and meditate on the verses I mentioned above. (Col 3:2 and 2 Cor 4:18)

2. Go on a Wonder Walk. Get out of your house (keeping appropriate distance of course), and wonder about God. Where is He? How is He showing Himself to you? What do you want to ask Him? If you are worried about something, say it out loud and then immediately ask God a question about it. He can take it. He is a big God.

3. Make a Worry to Wonder list. Get a sheet of paper or turn to a blank page in your journal, draw a line down the middle of it. Title one column “Worry” and the other “Wonder” and begin to list your worrying thoughts. Writing them out brings them from your heart into reality, and this is helpful. Spend some time on this. Ask God what you are holding on to and then ask Him about that. What can you wonder about the worry you are carrying?

4. Read a good book! Among many others on this topic, I would suggest:

• Get Out Of Your Head, by Jennie Allen (my most favourite read right now!)
• The Next Right Thing, by Emily P Freeman
• Sick of Me, by Whitney Capps
• check out the podcast offered by this authors as well!

5. Make time to listen. Listen to the wonder of God all around you - in your home, in your family, in your watching, in your thoughts. And thank Him. Thank God for each one.

If you are holding worrying thoughts in your heart, chances are you didn’t invite them in. Identify them. Say them outloud. Write them down. Then replace those thoughts with thoughtful questions about God and about yourself. Enjoy the wonder of God and the fullness of life He has to offer you!

Fix your eyes, change your thoughts and watch your heart go from worry to wonder.

Today is The Day

He went to see his doctor today. He went to see his endocrinologist who keeps track of all sorts of important levels that the regular person has no regular thought of. He went for his regular annual check up, something he will probably have to do for the rest of his life. But he went to see his doctor today. And today was, seven years ago, The Day. The Day that is forever etched into the grain and ebb and flow of our family. The Day, the first day of a journey that has shaped our life & our family, our marriage & our ministry.

And today, I let myself wander back to that day. I sit there, and I feel it all. I realize that on this particular day, seven years ago, I had no idea what the rest of the story would be, how life would unfold, the crazy hard and the beautiful holy that I would witness. The truth is that we never do know what the rest of our story will be. We live in today and have a hope for all our future tomorrows. But today, I look back at the story, just briefly, and I let my mind ponder and treasure it all...

~How seven years ago tonight I left my husband in his hospital recovery room expecting him to, well...recover. His neurosurgeon had said everything had gone “very well.”

~How seven years ago I went to bed alone on this night, after tucking in my 4 young boys, and cried tears of release, anxiety, worry, and flat out hope.

Hope for something to change, for something to work, for the tumour to be all gone, for his pituitary gland to start working, for his body to begin the slow climb to health and wholeness and normalness.

Hope for our family, for the husband and dad that I once knew to return and fully embrace the life that we had built together.

~How seven years ago Jesus walked us through a valley that could have been so deep and dark except for the grace and light that kept us walking.

~How seven years ago we were given decisions to make that no one should ever have to decide.

~How seven years ago God brought us to a new dependency on Him, choosing Life and Trust and Faith when it would have been so easy to walk away...mad.

~How for the last seven years we have been learning how to live the resurrection life because God did just that. 

But I can’t help think about how different things could have been. I hear stories of others - so many stories - that ended differently than ours. Stories that are full of hope and Jesus even though they involve death and loss. And I wonder, “Why God?”, not questioning the very real pain we did go through, but rather pain we didn’t have to go through. “Why God, did you rescue him, save him, and flat out miraculously heal him? Why not her husband? Why did you not heal that pastor? Why did that dad have to leave his wife and children behind? Why God, did you choose life for Andrew - for us?" 

This is the question that sits in my heart, mind and soul each and every day. This is the question that calls me to more each day, that reminds me that even though I can desperately try to control my life, really I can’t and really, I don’t want to. 

God gives and takes away, and in either circumstance, 

He is still God and 

He is still good.

That God redeemed Andrew’s life when He clearly had every opportunity to take it, this is grace. That we, for the last seven years have been learning to live out the resurrection life that God has called us to, this too, is grace. There is so much in that, so much to figure out as we live it out. But we know this: God obviously isn’t finished with us yet. So we are determined and steadfast in our mission and purpose. 

Today is Day One is the story, the journey. It is a journey that continues to shape our life and family and marriage and ministry. This is life and when God gives you a second chance at life, you seize it and hold on tight because you know it's going to be a wild ride. 

In the Midst of Becoming

I had a heart jarring realization this weekend: 

I realized that my boys are all in the midst of becoming. 

They are all in the midst of becoming who they will be, maybe who they want to be, but also who they don't yet know they will be. It is both awesome and fearsome at the same time. We were all together for approximately 15 minutes on Saturday and we won't be together again until Thanksgiving when the older ones are home from school. This is a hard reality for a Mama, but at the same time there was an assurance, a settledness, and quiet peace that it is all going to be OK, that they will make it - and so will I.

Because they are all in the midst of becoming.

They are all - each one of them - in the midst of doing exactly what we have raised them to do: grow, love, serve, share. As their parents, we have poured in and nurtured and prayerfully provided the tools that we hoped would allow them to be the hands and feet of Jesus to those around them, to be an extension of God's love and grace and mercy into our world - into their worlds. 

This is who I see them becoming. This is what I bore witness to on Saturday as we were all together standing on the grounds of the camp where 3 of them were loving, serving, and sharing this summer. 




This is what I let sink deep into my heart as my 4 boys-becoming-men stood huddled in a circle sharing a bond that only brothers can share, sharing their unique language of time and love and laughter that has been forged over the years. A unique brother-bond fashioned through some heartache and pain, through some tough times and many great years together, but also with more than a little bit of grace poured in to provide healing and to build trust. Life!

As I watched my boys and realized they were in the midst of becoming, a new truth settled in my heart. It was a truth that is reflective of Jesus' mother, Mary in Luke 2:19, "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Later, in 2:51, we read the same sentiment, "But his mother treasured all these things in her heart." Both of these verses come directly after a time when I imagine Mary realizing that her Saviour-Son was in the midst of becoming - He was becoming who He was meant to be in and for our world. These verses directly follow two different times when Mary could have been angry or upset or confused by Jesus' behaviour and actions. Yet she did not respond that way. Instead, she responded with a heart that treasured all her son was, while being in the midst of becoming all he will be. Mary didn't miss these moments but rather she acknowledged them and held on tightly to them. 

Mary treasured both the moment and the Man deep within her heart.

Like Mary, I want to treasure these moments when I witness my boys in the midst of becoming who they are meant to be. I want to treasure both the moments and the men, and I want to celebrate them in the midst of their becoming! When God gives me a glimpse into all my boys are becoming, I do not want to miss it. I want to treasure it - oh boy, do I ever want to keep it nestled deep within the safety of my heart, where no one can take it away. This is the sacred privilege of being a Mom - these moments are mine to treasure in a way no one else can or will. 

Hold tightly, dear Mama. Your moments are yours and yours alone.

In truth, we are all in the midst of becoming because the act of becoming is a process - and an ongoing, never-ending one at that. Let's celebrate being in the midst of becoming together! Let's acknowledge and encourage each other on the journey to becoming more of who we are each called to be. This does not mean life will be perfect, all will be well, and no wrong decisions will ever be made. Rather it is in the midst of the messiness of life that we continue to grow, change, and learn. It is in the midst of the beautiful messiness of life that we become. So let's celebrate the moments, the people, and the God who walks with us on this journey and who delights in celebrating with us! 

I know that our becoming - my boys' becoming - is more about who Jesus is than who I am, who my husband is, or who my boys are. I do not take credit for what God has done. I do not take full credit for who my boys are, but I am so very, very thankful to be the Mom who gets to watch, treasure and celebrate these moments and these men in the midst of their becoming.