We have to let them be while still being their parent. We have to provide both boundary and space, walking the line between excessive and expected, between impulsive and ordinary. Yes, there is tension in quarantine parenting.
I am not going to pretend that I have ever parented little people through a quarantine season. But my heart lies with parenting teenagers through this season. Parenting my teenagers is what keeps me awake at night.
Aside from shedding a slim light on aspects of teenage mental health (which are very real), not much has been said about the trials of parenting well, the teenagers that live within our walls during this season of quarantine. Unless of course, you have a graduating teenager in your home, in which case there has been much said about the loss of the expected celebrations and everyone feels deeply for our graduates; these teenagers deserve to be talked about and recognized for their efforts and achievements!
But what about the teenagers that are just trying to live out their best quarantine lives right now? What about the average teenager who is trying to do school, fill time, and survive somewhat alone and without all that they are used to having surround them - friends, gatherings, and sports, not to mention spontaneity, laughter, and fun? I know that this season of quarantine is impacting, and will ultimately change, every single one of us. And our teenagers are no exception.
Teenagers are Captains of their own worlds, and quarantine doesn't change that. Now they are Captains of Quarantine who don't ever leave your house (except maybe for that questionably rebellious "socially distanced" backyard hangout...). The influence and impact of their captaincy is felt within the walls of our homes; their "chill" is not as benign as they think it might be, but rather it oozes into life and family. If you, like me, have more than one Captain in your home, it can become even more challenging to manage, understand, love, and parent through because they all ooze differently and generally at different times!
So how can we not let quarantine kill our kids, but maybe, perhaps...have them come out better people on the other side of this?
I don't have a step by step solution for this question. But one thing I do know: You have made it this far. You have parented them up to this point. So keep on doing what you are doing because parenting is not cancelled.
Teenagers need us even when they pretend that they don't.
They need us to be present, not perfect - we are trying to figure this out.
They need us to be gracious, not difficult - they are trying to figure this out, too.
Hold them tight, but with tenderness. Provide both security and freedom, and let them grow and learn while discovering who they are within the safety of your home. This is the beautiful tension of Quarantine Parenting: both the good and the bad are happening within the safety of your home. The key here is to ensure that it is actually a safe place where your teenager can be their own Captain while allowing others to be themselves too, where your teenager can thrive in who they are because they know it's ok to make a mistake, to push back a bit, and you - their parent - will not falter, nor fault them.
And pray. Pray for your teenager. Pray for any siblings. Pray for your spouse. Pray for yourself.
This is not a time to give up but rather to dig deep, so don't give up on them or on yourself. Love your teenagers fiercely, if even from a Cool Mom distance. Love them and believe in them, because you really are their world, whether they realize it or not.
If every day parenting takes work, Quarantine Parenting definitely takes work. I encourage you to give it all you've got, even when it's hard, because your kids are worth it. We're all in this together and we're all going to come out of it together, too.
