Living in the Overflow

Overflow.  The result of having too much, the extra that flows over the brim of the bowl, what a container can no longer contain.

This past weekend I stopped my hurried self and attempted to find some rest.  (To be honest, this was a challenge I thought would be impossible!) I attended the Women Alive conference where the theme for the weekend was "Resting in God".  If there was ever a woman and if there was ever a time, it was me and it was now.   My life had become a series of spinning plates and frantic schedules, dotted with happy smiles, loud sideline cheers, and little rest.  I had become weary of the busyness of routine and was finding little joy and rest in any of it.  I went away with a yearning and willing heart, knowing that even if God didn't speak to me, it would be a break from the rush of school and home and ministry and decisions and boys, and, and, and...  I knew I needed a break, and also knew that I needed a fresh touch from God.

The weekend did not disappoint.

I learned many things this weekend from many people who took the weekend to serve and speak into others lives.  Carolyn Arends is not only a phenomenal singer/songwriter, but also a gifted, speak-right-to-the-heart deliverer of God's truth (but this wasn't something I learned...this was something I already knew!).  Jody Cross and his team opened the heavens with their music and provided an avenue of blessing to flow freely.  Linda Lord captured every heart and mind with the gift and emotion of drama, speaking into our lives the truth that we are enough!

It has been a long time since I rested totally and completely.  I sat in each session and felt like a blanket enveloped and surrounded me.  Time seemed to stand still.  I was captured and enraptured.  I feel like my brain actually slowed down, absorbed something beyond the level of my Grade 3 students, and engaged in the process of resting in - of believing into - something greater than myself.

Who am I?  I am the woman Jesus loves.  I was created to participate in God's glory, and I can live in the overflow of this glory when I learn to rest in him.  I have a great need to be known and to be filled.  Jesus met the woman at the well and knew her completely.  How extraordinary!!  To be completely known is to be completely loved...deeply loved, unconditionally loved, divinely loved. And I am just that.

What am I filling myself with?  What is overflowing out of my life? "Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires" (Ps 37:4)  Am I delighting myself in the Lord, filling myself with him, allowing him to be my overflow?  I see what I focus on.  Focus on God and then I am able to live in the overflow.  Focus on other things, and those other things become my overflow.  (A rather messy overflow, I might add!) Yucky.

My heart is overflowing - with peace, with grace, with gratitude.  I hope to live in this overflow for a very long time (forever??).  I hope to live a life that is abundant, not a life of diminishing returns.  I hope to live my life in the overflow of the divine providence that invites the restoration of the wonder and the mystery of who God is and what he can do.  What's my part to play?  That is still unfolding, but as I seek to live as the woman God loves, believing into a God who knows me and loves me completely, I believe fully that God will make that known.

For now, I rest.
For now, I believe.
For now, I am blessed.

(As I come back home and hit the reality of car pooling, meal preparing, homework completing, schedule dictating, and lesson planning, I am hoping that the peace that I encountered does not seep out of me.  Because for now, really,  I try to be the mom my kids need, the wife my husband needs, the teacher my students need,...the woman that God has called me to be.  Not an easy task, but hopefully when lived in the overflow, it will be a little be easier!)

My 4 Sons

Twice this week, I have been shocked and stunned into the realization that my boys are growing into men.  I'm not sure that I am ready for it.  

On Monday night I sat between my two young teenagers and was overwhelmed to hear them sing as we began Holy Week together.  I looked down the row to see their 2 younger brothers singing and bouncing to the beat.  My heart nearly burst with joy and thankfulness.  I mentally wrapped my arms around these young men and held them close.  I didn't want to ever let go.

This morning, we walked in to church together for the Good Friday service and each of my boys seemed a few inches taller.  I'm not sure why.  We sat together in the second row (which rarely happens!) and again, I mentally wrapped my arms around all of them.  I wanted to draw them close, to soak up this moment of family togetherness, and to never let go.  As if he felt it too, my husband, who was sitting in front of us, reached over and grabbed my hand that was sitting on my knee.  He gave me a quick wink and squeezed my hand gently.  

Family.  Solidarity.  Strength.  Courage.  Unconditional love.  Growth.  Freedom.  Love.  Blessing.

These boys-turning-men are my everything.  They are unique but the same, adventurous but steady, funny but serious, talented but humble (well...most of the time).  Above all, they are my inspiration.

 

Johnny ~

My firstborn, my boy closer to manhood than I want to admit.  You are talented in so many ways and I pray that you know it and believe it.  Whether its in the sports you play or the people you encourage, you demonstrate a strength and a maturity that few have, but many recognize.  You are the best "biggest" brother that anyone could want.  Your compassion for others resonates in all you do.  Your leadership abilities will take you far.  Find true joy in serving others. Believe in yourself and above all, believe in the God who gave you all these wonderful abilities.  

Matt ~

My second born, my boy of many wonders and surprises.  There was a time when I might have called you the strong silent type, but now you have grown into a young man that knows when to speak and what to say.  One of my favourite moments was when you told me you were going to run for School Council President...it seemed so out of character for you!  But you grabbed that idea, ran with it, and won!!  This to me proves that you have an inner strength and determination that few have.  Your gentleness is evident to all.  You are destined to do great things, I am sure.  With God as your compass and your guide, go change the world!

                                                                                   

Eric ~

My third born, my boy of immense character and passion.  You have such a zest for life!  Your determination and passion for the things you desire is second to none - except maybe your sense of humour!!!  Your creative imagination is such a gift to you, to our family, and to our world.  I believe you will do great things with the zany thoughts that roll around your brain.  Find what you are passionate about and follow that with your heart, mind and soul.  You are incredibly gifted with an infectious personality and smile to match.  God has some wonderful things in store for you!

Mitch ~

My last born, my forever-baby, my boy of great joy and laughter.  When you were only 3 months old and I became very sick, you became my reason to live, my reason to be, my reason to get out of bed every morning when I really didn't feel like it.  Because you were there, needing me, smiling at me, grabbing my nose with your wee, chubby baby hand, I knew that I had to get better.  And not only for you, but for your brothers as well.  Hardly a day goes by that I don't thank God for giving me you to pull me through.  When I look at you, I see a masterpiece.  You love so deeply, and you are always striving to do your best and be your best in all you do.  Your creative energy will take you many places in this world.  Go with God in all you do, knowing that you will never walk this world alone.

When people find out I have 4 boys (and no girls), the words "wow", "busy", "how do you do it", "crazy", "I'm sorry", and "trying for a girl?" often escape their lips.  But really, I wouldn't want it any other way.  I love them beyond belief.  And I know that I am blessed beyond belief because I have the privilege of being their Mom.