Starting can be the hardest part of any new choice, new opportunity, new beginning. For me, this new start is kind of like a restart. This journey into the world of writing and words and wonder...it's scary, it's overwhelming, it's exciting. I looked back to realize I posted my first blog post in 2010. Sigh...
I quite "accidentally" stumbled upon hope*Writers Instagram post which placed a challenge before inspiring writers. It is a 12 Day challenge to write using the writing prompt posted. I'm not sure why I thought this would be a good idea. I don't think I actually thought the whole thing through very well. But I wrote my post and put it out there for all to see. And it was all I could do to not take it down. I wanted to hit the delete button and pretend it didn't happen. I wanted to hide, and I certainly hoped that people wouldn't actually read it.
Why did I do this? Why is this out there for people to read and follow along? Can't I do this privately? Can't I just journey these days without everyone knowing, seeing, reading?
But if I'm writing, doesn't that mean someone will be reading? So it has to be out there. I have to put it out there. Fine.
Fear: Everyone will know when I fail.
Lie: The world doesn't need my words, doesn't need what I have to say.
Insecurity: I have nothing new to say that someone else hasn't already said.
Sad reality: I don't even know how to format a pretty Instagram post. #truth
I've been reading "The Next Right Thing" by Emily P. Freeman. In Chapter 4 of her book she recounts a story of her husband approaching burnout in his ministry, and how they were given a chance to rethink, revision and redo their vocation choices. She shared how in the end, they chose something different from what was. This is the most recent in a number of similar stories that I have read about ministry families facing a pivotal decision based on circumstance, family or personal health crisis. Each time the person chose something different from what was. They embarked on a new path, a new journey, a new ministry, and to some degree, a new life.
So when my pastor husband was faced with his own personal health crisis that sent us into copious amounts of hospital visits and doctors consultations and tests and surgeries, with complications that landed him in the ICU where he faced Jesus and chose "Life" whatever that might look like, we were ultimately faced with a decision as a family: what does life look like now?
The story is much longer than that, but my wonder to myself is about the choices we made at that time. Now as I read this book, and embark on this renewed inner passion of mine that seems more like a hobby that I've shelved because of where life has taken us, I do so within the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical framework of our decisions that followed this crisis. I know that I can't remake those decisions. As much as I might like a do-over, that is not an option. But what is an option is to work out what is happening right now in my heart and soul.
For now, I am just trying to do the next right thing. You are welcome to follow along on this 12 day journey with me, as I willingly become a beginner at this new thing, as I follow this arrow that God has laid in front of me.
Thank you Emily P Freeman for the motivation to jump back in, and thank you hope*Writers for the inspiration to do so.
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